Shirtspotting

Not only do I utilise the interweb to enthuse lyrically about the pure excellence of watching live action on TV, I also use it to report on another great sporting passion of mine.

Who here, doesn't enjoy seeing an obscure football shirt eh? Exactly, I can't see one raised hand. Now as this is such a joy to behold I thought I'd set-up a twitter account devoted to such activity. Yes, that's correct, along with the inconsistently updated DTVSr blog and twitter feed, I am also responsible for everyone favourite shirtspotting social networking update, @shirtspotter.

The Bio of the account is as follows: Classic, obscure or unusual football shirts spotted on my travels/TV. Send me yours inc. where/when spotted and I'll RT if deemed good enough

As a service I will now provide you with a three-point-plan to the criteria which constitute “good enough” and how you'll get that most sort after RT.

1) Club/Team

My biggest fear (truly a huge fear this, sleepless nights and all) when I began shirtspotter was that people would contact me to say they'd seen a Barcelona shirt as if that in some way constituted obscure. I figure that I see a Barcelona shirt on my travels around two-and-a-half times a day. Similarly a current shirt of the majority of Premier League clubs, a Rangers or Celtic shirt, Italy, Brazil, Real Madrid, Milan etc. cannot be considered obscure. If you're contemplating whether the team of the shirt could qualify it as such, ask yourself this question:

Is it a shirt you'd expect to see at your local five-a-side complex of an evening?

If the answer is yes then I'm sorry, this isn't a worthy spot. If it is no, then we may be onto something. There are, I should point out, exceptions to this rule though. Let me take Barcelona as an example again:

You see someone wearing the current home shirt with “MESSI 10' on the back. Is this a 'spot'? No. Don't be ridiculous. You're wasting my time and your own by telling me about this.

On the other hand you see someone wearing that gold/yellow mid 80's away number made popular by Terry 'El Tel' Venables at that meet the squad day at Nou Camp when they introduced Gary Lineker/Steve Archibald etc. Grab yourself a beer and pull-up a seat at the shirtspotter table my friend.

2) Location

“Is that lad wearing an Arsenal shirt? No it's not an Arsenal shirt. Is it? No it's definitely not. I'll take a closer look.” You're now within five yards of said lad. “Yes. It's a Braga shirt! Let me tell that shirtspotter feller, he'll be proper giddy” you might think. Let me stop you there one moment.

Where are you at the time of this spot? Are you taking your daily dinnertime stroll to Greggs to fill-up on competitively priced savoury treats? If so, fine, let me know, I'll be delighted to re-tweet it. If on the other hand you happen to be stood outside SC Braga's AXA Estadio prior to their match against bitter local rivals Guimaraes then sorry, this naturally makes the spot null and void.

In the last six months I've been fortunate enough to feast my eyes upon Bury, Lech Poznan and Lancaster City shirts. Unfortunately these teams were playing at the arena's at which they were spotted so consequently weren't reported and you won't have read about these otherwise glorious moments.

3) Original/re-issued shirts

My favourite football shirts, and therefore ones most likely to be mentioned on shirtspotter are generally from the 1980's. “What's the problem with that?” you may wonder. Well you'd have to be pretty disinterested in the world of retro sporting merchandise to not have noticed nearly every (especially British) club have re-produced some of their classic shirts from this era in recent times.

In many cases these are easy to distinguish from their far more illustrious, and in many cases, less comfortable, originals as they don't contain the manufacturers logo. Some however (I'm looking at you Adidas/Umbro) do contain the manufacturers logo and open up a world of confusion for the less skilled eye.

How do you do approach the difficult task of distinguishing then? I'll be honest, there's no foolproof formulae for this but here's a couple of little tips that could help you out.

As with all spots I'd advise getting close-up to your subject. Signs of well-wornness are good. If, for example, someone's got a 1986 Liverpool shirt on and part of the W of CROWN PAINTS is peeling off it's a positive sign the shirt was bought from an allsports in 1986. If it's really bright and shiny and has a number on the back (numbers are quite often a giveaway in this situation) then it's more likely a re-issue. Similarly, a long-sleever, for me, means that the RRP was more likely to have been £49.99 rather than £17.99.

I've not actually stated that a re-issue doesn't count as a 'spot' and won't say unequivocally that it doesn't, however it's less likely to be considered one. Example time again: A 1990 England World Cup shirt with 19 on the back wouldn't be one. A 1987 West Ham shirt may be one. A 1991 Fiorentina shirt would be one. I don't think I can be any clearer than that.

Points to Note

Those of you who already follow me will have noticed that spotting isn't solely confined to that of shirts. Indeed, one of my favourite spots of recent times was a middle-aged woman in Albert Square Manchester wearing a Gremio tracksuit top. Any football-related garment that fits the criteria spelt out above is worthy.

Similarly it doesn't have to be football-based. A spot can be made if someone is wearing a noteworthy item of clothing associated with any sport. You're doing the Inca Trail as part of your holiday of a lifetime and see someone in a Hull KR shirt. Let me know. Bloke in the next office had got an Alberto Contador t-shirt on dress-down Friday. Let me know. Someone gets on the bus in an Edmonton Oilers beanie...etc.

So that's it kids. Keep your eyes peeled when you're out and about and try and follow the guidelines set-out above. May you see a man in a Brondby shirt on your walk to the station.

CSKA Moscow v Saturn

CSKA Moscow v Saturn
Saturday 10th July
ESPN 13.00

Prologue

'Eyebrows were raised' when ESPN announced they would be showing the Russian Premier League when the channel hit our screens replacing the collapsed Setanta. When I say 'eyebrows were raised' I mean a series of txt messages were exchanged between myself and great mate Shoegl about the possibility of 'bloke in the pub' enthusiastically adopting Spartak Nalchik as his team, kids running around in Amkar Perm kits and a street being named after legendary Rubin Kazan manager Kurban Berdyev. To my knowledge the screening of these games hasn’t quite had this effect on the British sporting public as yet so with that in mind we that thought that a bit of DTVSr exposure might give it a push in the right direction.

Programme

As often happens with ESPN's foreign games the coverage started with the players lining up in the tunnel and commentator Martin Hyndley welcomed us to the afternoon's action from the Khimki Stadium. Immediately confusion set-in as I recognised this as Dinamo Moscow's stadium. Further research indicated that I was sort of correct in that Dinamo play there but it isn't their stadium neither as both they and this afternoon's hosts are temporary residents, CSKA having recently moved from the vast Luzhniki arena (of which they were also tenants.) Now I know what you’re thinking here, you’re thinking: ‘Dave, if I’d have wanted the lowdown on stadiums in Moscow I would’ve clicked onto ‘Dave’sStadiumsofRussiaReview’ so just get on with bloody action will you?’ And if you were thinking that the answer is ‘yes, yes I will.’

Before this first game following the summer break the players lined up on the pitch for what I'm sure was the Russian national anthem. Many of the crowd sang along with the players largely taking the ‘Spanish approach' (that was a three-week old dig at Clive Tyldesley by the way...you already knew that though.) With the formalities over the action was about to begin and commentator Hyndley told us that Saturn, who sat bottom of the table had only won one game prior to the break (against Lokomotiv Moscow.) CSKA (pronounced 'seska' rather than C S K A) in second spot were expected to win this sort-of derby and make up ground on top of the table Zenit St.Petersburg.

The main team news centred around the omission of CSKA's World Cup players in the form of Japan winger Keisuke Honda, Chilean winger Mark González and Serbian striker Miloš Krasić although the latter two did feature on the bench. The game kicked of and as I often seem to do was just noting that nothing had happened when 7 minutes in Saturn (or 'Saturn Moscow Region' as a graphic often referred to them) took a surprise lead with an absolute belter. Lone striker Dmitri Kirichenko volleyed on the turn into the keeper’s top left-hand corner from the edge of the box. Kirichenko naturally celebrated this fantastic strike but to my dismay they're didn't appear to be any visiting fans for him to celebrate with. "Do we have a shock on our hands here?" Asked Hyndley. Read on (or alternatively consult the interweb) and find out!

A short while after this I required my umpteenth visit to the toilet for the day following the previous night's ale-consumption and asked Mrs.DTVSr to “let me know if owt happens?” As a result it brings me great pleasure to inform you that on approximately 16 minutes 'the red and blues had a shot on goal but he saved it.' The very same 'red and blues' (CSKA) were now posing more of a threat than they had at any point previously and equalised on 27 minutes. The goal came from an overwhelmingly weak and badly executed shot from midfielder Alan Dzagoev which despite being low somehow went over Antonin Kinsky in the Saturn net. In fairness to the keeper the ball did appear to 'move' a bit and would have undoubtedly been placed in the category marked 'Jabulani' had it been at the World Cup.

As had happened throughout the opening 30 minutes, the commentator's knowledge and enthusiasm for the Russian game continued to impress me no-end. Naturally I drew the comparison with the appalling levels we were subject to in the World Cup whereby Lee Dixon famously admitted to 'not knowing too much' about two teams he was being paid to offer 'expert' analysis on. Not only did Hyndley seemingly know the background to every player on the pitch he even went so far as to mention bits of trivia such as the scorers in the previous day’s youth-team fixture between the two clubs. Is it really considered a better option to employ Alan Green who'll give the impression he's suffering some hardship by being made to watch Brazil v Portugal (at the World Cup Finals FFS!) than someone who not only can give insight to a players form, career history and strengths but actually gives the impression they want us to enjoy it as well?

Anyway, after 36 minutes Saturn re-took a shock lead with a header from their previous scorer Kirichenko. Well they would've re-took their shock lead had it not incorrectly been ruled out for offside. This prompted angry gesticulations from their manager Andrei Gordeev who if he added a few pounds would look exactly like a stereotypical Eastern European Gymnastics coach. He carried on his tirade of displeasure directed at the referee and officials all the way up to half time of which little of note happened bar a text-book modern case of “handbags.” Lyndley then told us that this was nothing in comparison to the brawl that marred the 2004 meeting between the two clubs and having discovered the x-rated film I can confirm that predictably he was correct (Disclaimer: Anyone under the age of 18 must get permission before watching this) CSKA V Saturn 2004 Scrap .

The ‘steadily improving Armyestas’ put pressure on the ‘Aliens’ (I’ll leave it up to you to deduce which nickname belongs to whom) from the beginning of the second half which resulted in one of those all too often occurrences of a shot hitting the advertising hoardings and re-bounding into the netting leading to many in the stadium believing a goal has been scored. Fortunately as this wasn’t an English game (and of equal relevance, there didn’t appear to be any there….although I’ve since seen a picture that shows me there were some and numbered around 100) the opposition fans didn’t break into a collective ‘aaarrrrrrgghhh’ then start chanting ‘Who are ya? Who are ya?’ at the mistakenly celebratory CSKA masses.

A disappointing crowd development at this point was the noticeable racist abuse Saturn’s Benois Angbwa received on a couple of occasions from the previously excellent CSKA fans. Credit again should go to Hyndley who rightfully deemed it worthy of a mention but didn’t go into an all-out righteous rant about Eastern Europe’s racism in football problem that the likes of Green or Jonathon Pearce undoubtedly would.

Around an hour in and the home side brought on their returning World Cup ‘stars’ González and Krasić and continued to take the game to Saturn, forcing a goal line clearance from a close-range header at a corner. The two subs were in the thick of the action and Krasić had a very optimistic penalty shout where upon the replay, Hyndley diplomatically informed us he’s ‘no stranger to the theatrical side of the game.’ As CSKA pushed forward to get the anticipated three points, they naturally left gaps at the back and on a couple of occasions Saturn broke and save for some poor execution and indecision would’ve had a couple of clear chances in which to nick the game themselves.

Despite both teams efforts and an entertaining end to the game neither side could find the illusive second goal much to the displeasure of the CSKA fans and coach, Leonid Slutsky who I’d describe as looking like a more extreme version of David Platt.

An enjoyable return to national rather than international football viewing for me, helped in no small part by the intrigue factor of a league I’ve not watched much of and a commentator who accurately describes the action and informs me of interesting things I didn’t know. I’ll be watching the Russian action on ESPN again and may even find myself enthusiastically discussing the fortunes of Spartak Nalchik over a pint with one of their legions of British followers my fantasy world created a year or so ago.

Watch

Russian Premier League Review - ESPN
Tuesday 13th July 20.00
Thursday 15th July 19.00


Weekend fixtures TBC

Interview - Our Man on the Inside

As a blog that concentrates specifically on watching sport on TV (not that we don’t watch it live fellow enthusiasts. We do, and berluddy enjoy it as well) we thought we’d try and approach our subject from a different angle. Influenced by our blog hero and inspiration Danny at European Football Weekends we decided we’d seek out an interview with someone involved in the old TV Sports game and are pretty happy with the scoop we’ve pulled off here.

We tried to get Adrian Chiles, Alan Hansen and even Gabriel Clarke but to no avail and just when all hope was looking lost we pulled this gem out of the bag!

Yes, it’s EVS operator for ITV’s coverage of the World Cup: Steven ‘Cheets’ Cheetham!

A marginally easier interview to get from the TV Sports World due to him being my old housemate, Cheets took time the time to answer a few questions all the way from Sarf Afreeka.

So Cheets, first things first, what are you doing for ITV out in SA?
Well Dave, first of all I'm not actually working for ITV I'm actually working for HBS - Host Broadcasting Services (DTVSr: sincere apologies to HBS.) Basically they show all the games, but they get companies from different countries to provide the crews to work on them. ITV have two English crews out here, the team I'm in do any games that are at Ellis Park in Johannesburg and Pretoria.

We do all the match coverage from games at those two stadiums and have done 12 games so far with one quarter final to go (Spain v Paraguay). We basically show all the slow motion replays during the games and build players wraps, closers etc. (DTVSr: oh aye, player wraps and closers.) My job is a bit different from what I usually do as I have to build a 3 and a half minute highlights edit of the game for half time and full time. It gets played out at the end of each half and the commentator voices it as it’s played out. This goes round the world to any broadcasters who can use it as they like.

So do you get to go to any games while you’re there?
We've not been to any games while we're out here so far as they have all been sold out (DTVSr: that’s just the two stadiums Cheets works at readers.) We could have gone to the first Holland game as tickets were still on sale but it was early in the trip and after a heavy night out and no-one actually realised this until just after kick off. Its difficult to go as most games that are local we work on, we could go to games at Soccer city as this is also in Johannesburg but they have all been sold out and I'm told it's a dodgy area to go flashing your money around trying to get tickets outside. We are looking to go to the quarter final between Uruguay and Ghana on Friday though which would be good.

What do you get up to in your spare time then?
We haven't had much time off to be honest. We got here a few days before the tournament started but had to go to the grounds and make sure that everything was set up and working properly and sort out accreditation etc. Then most days since the games started, we generally work two or three days in a row and then get a day off. When we work on the early games we get back in time to go to the hotel bar and watch the later kick off.

Then we have been out into town a fair bit, where we are based there is a big mall right outside with lots of bars and restaurants. It seems like quite a safe area where we are and there are a lot of people with loads from different countries about. I've basically been doing a lot of drinking and eating steaks. When we have had a day off we've tried to do a few different things.

The first day-off we went to a fan park and watched Argentina v South Korea. That was good as although its winter over here its still boiling in the day and it’s not until the sun goes in that it gets pretty cold. We had a good drink, took a ball with us and had a kick about with some South Africans. One of the lads we’re working with used to live out here as well and one of his old friends had a BBQ one night that we all went to.

Another day we went to a safari park and had a look at some lions and stuff (DTVSr: Good in-depth stuff this mate.) It was amazing as we actually got to go in with some lion cubs.

Today we went on a bike ride through Soweto which was real eye-opener to see how some people have to live over here. The kids were all really happy though, we played football with them and they were jumping all over us.

Have you had any other contact with many of the locals?
We have had a bit in bars and at the fan fest we played football with some who also had a few drinks with us afterwards. They have been very friendly on the whole and just happy to be hosting it.
That first day was awesome when they had their first game. People were out on the streets dressed up everywhere. It took us hours to get to the ground as the traffic was just backed up but was a really good atmosphere. It was good when they beat France too and a shame when they went out as it was fun having them in the tournament.

Today in Soweto everyone was very friendly and waving and posing for pictures. The kids would run and try and high five us as we rode past and then when we walked round the houses they walked with us and were holding hands and jumping on everyone.

Great stuff, you had much/any contact with many travelling fans from the various teams?
We’ve had a fair bit of contact with travelling fans when we go out at night. There have been a lot of South Americans staying round here, first it was mainly Argentina fans about and then a lot of Mexicans. There’s even been some New Zealand fans (DTVSr: To be fair they were in the tournament Cheets) and we generally just get talking to people after a few beers.

I've also had to go out with a camera man as he films all the crowds arriving at the games to get fan shots and colour which has been good seeing the different fans and how they act. The Chile fans at their game v Spain game were awesome, best I’ve seen so far

Back to your work then, do you get to do much hob-nobbing with the celebs of the ITV sports team? How do they react to you lads on the technical side?
To be honest we don't really see that side of things. We are just at the games doing actual match coverage. All the presentation for ITV is in a building called the IBC that is near Soccer City so they are all in a studio there rather than at the ground. I saw Adrian Chiles, Southgate and Townsend in a bar that we go in quite a lot. Kevin Keegan was in a restaurant we went in one night and when we watched England v Algeria Danny Mills and Robbie Savage walked into our hotel bar and watched it in there.

Any funny stories from that side of things?
No.

A refreshingly brisk answer Cheets. Do you have to deal with foreign TV crews as well? Is there a power struggle (ala sun loungers around the pool) for equipment use/good spots?
The foreign crews are mainly doing games in other areas of the country so we don’t really see them. There is a French crew that we see about but don’t really have much to do with them. There is a rivalry as when you watch the other crew's games you look for how they are doing it to see if it’s any better or worse than how we do things.

This is the first one I’ve been on so am new to it all but from what people say the English crews are generally regarded as doing the best match coverage. Then again there could be a French team also saying that so who knows? There’s no battling for sun loungers moments as such but if there was I think there’s more of us so we’d have them.

That's the spirit! To the action then, who’s impressed you so far? What did you make of England?
England were awful. Can’t believe how bad we were, thought winning the group and avoiding Germany would be massive and we couldn’t even do that although not sure we’d have done any better against Ghana. I actually watched the game in the fan park and there were a lot of Germans about. The disallowed goal was a big moment but they carved us open so many times that I don’t think it made much difference.

I’ve been impressed with the usual lot. Argentina have looked good. Brazil have looked decent. The Germans have been good and I think they might win it if they can beat Argentina. Also Chile and Uruguay have all looked pretty decent. As for players Messi has looked good even though he’s not scored. I thought Veron was awesome in the last group game and he’s still one of my favourite players. Ozil for Germany looks very good and I want United to sign him but I think that’s very unlikely (DTVSr: Fortunately it is Cheets.) David Villa looks awesome, David Silva can f*** off (DTVSr: bit harsh.) Sneijder is quality too.

What are you missing about home (other than the Dave’sTVSports team obviously?)
Just Dave of Dave’sTVSports. That’s it! I don’t know really, it’s gone really quick and been pretty busy so I haven’t really had that much time to think about home that much. It’s been a bit weird living in a hotel for a month though, I feel like Partridge.

I kind of miss being home to watch all the matches. It’s weird that I’m over here working on the World Cup and I don’t think I’ve ever seen less games in a tournament. We generally miss the other games being played the same days we work so I only see the ones we work on and then some on our days off. If I was at home I reckon I’d have seen pretty much every game.

What I am going to miss about being here is being fed and given beer every time I finish a shift. As we are at the ground all day we get a meal when we get there and then when we finish we have our dinner (DTVSr: It’s ‘tea’ Cheets, we’re Northern) and there is beer in a cool box and wine on the table. I don’t think I’ll get that when I get back home.

Have you been able to keep up with the comings and goings of the last ever Big Brother?
I’ve not seen a single thing from Big Brother, I’m gutted. I haven’t even seen pictures of anyone that’s in it. Think that’s probably a good thing but it’ll be the first one I haven’t watched from start to finish.

Did you know a match at Wimbledon went to 70-68 in the last set?
I did see that about the tennis and the guy got knocked out a couple of days later because he was exhausted. I also hear Murray is playing well. Not seen any of it and if he gets to the final it’s the day we travel home so not sure if we will even get to see that...but tennis is gay so who cares. I’ve seen a bit of the cricket as well. Nice to hear us having a bit of success in that at least.

Well I’m sure if Novak Djokovic, Sue Barker or Jeremy Bates were reading this they’re not anymore. To finish, aren’t Vuvuzelas great?
Vuvuzelas are f****** loud! The first few days everyone had one. In the streets, shops, bars, restaurants…everywhere. That was quite annoying if you were trying to eat a meal and someone’s blowing one of them down your ear hole. It calmed down a bit after a few days though. I don’t mind them at the grounds and I’ve not really noticed it that much when I watch on TV or am working on the game. I’m definitely bringing one back if I can cram it in my suitcase.

Well we look forward to a genuine South African Vuvuzela arriving at DTVSr towers early next week. Many thanks for the interview Cheets.
No probs.

Steve will have worked on ITV1's highlights programme featuring Spain v Paraguay this Saturday at 22:30.

Dave’s TV Sports Review: World Cup. Days 1-4

2010 Fifa World Cup. Days 1-4

We’re hiding behind a stag-doo as an excuse for a lack of blogging during this 2010 FIFA World Cup (not quite sure what I can come up with for the last couple of months…oh alright then, drinking) so far as it took up days 1,2 and 3 (and 4 in a recovery stage) but as we settle down during day 5 it’s time to get this show on the road as it were.

So far then Mark ‘Lawro’ Lawrenson has been my most annoying TV 'personality.' Watched bits of Japan v Cameroon yesterday and he just proceeded to moan about everything in the style of a 60 year old man who hadn’t watched a game since the 86 FA Cup Final (‘now that Lawrenson feller for Liverpool, he was a player’ is what I would’ve loved him to have said in my fantasy extension of his old bloke miserable-sodness yesterday) combined with a moody teenager.

*Guy Mowbray: So Cameroon have a chance to test Kawashima in the Japan goal with this free-kick.
Lawro: Yeah that’s gonna happen.
Balls sails 10 yards over bar.
Lawro: Told yer.

*I actually made this transcript up but like to think it gives a flavour of what we were subjected to.

Would go along with the startlingly obvious consensus that Germany have been the best team so far. England and Italy both respected tradition by being ‘disappointing’ in their opening game. Too much is being made about the ball, the vuvuzela’s (‘What are those I hear you ask?’…No I already tried that gag yesterday on twitter) and the fact there’s a few empty seats in some stadiums. It’s appears a modern phenomenon that a stadium always has to be full and if it isn’t then ‘questions have to be asked’ of someone and something.

Whilst on the issue of stadiums and crowds I am somewhat disappointed we don’t seem to see as much of the choreographed group dancing that ‘lit-up’ last years Confederation’s Cup. You know the type, about 50 locals turning around, moving back and forward to a tune of ‘der der-der der-der HEY’ that always ends with them giving the guy next to them the high-tens. Then again maybe they did form part of that booze fuelled first few days and if so I apologise.

Quite liked Mick McCarthy’s summarising during Italy Paraguay yesterday. This may cause some derision but I think he is genuinely good at offering some insight despite his broad Yorkshire tones. I’m not denying he will offer predictable opinions on tactics though but these raise a smile for yours truly. Not to the same extent as after 20 minutes of Portugal v Denmark in Euro 96, with the Danes seemingly not having touched the ball and Portugal cutting through at ease, great mate and eldest brother Jon laughed at Jack Charlton saying ‘he’d like to see a big lad up front' but I grin nonetheless.

Will hopefully provide more in-depth analysis on the in-depth analysis as the tournament goes on which should benefit from me being actually sat in front of a screen where I can hear our expert commentators, panellists and summariser.

Happy Viewing folks. Dave

Watch

World Cup games are shown daily on BBC1 and ITV1 kicking of at 12.30, 15.30 and 19.30 throughout the group stages.

Afternoon Report - Transfer Deadline Day

Afternoon Report
Monday 1st February
Sky Sports News 16:00

Prologue

Now you may find this hard to believe but I watch Sky Sports News quite a lot. With only council telly (freeview) its my default channel if there’s nothing on or more than likely, something’s happened in the sporting world that I want to see the action and of course, reaction from. I know its faults. I know they provide umpteen stories a week that in no way constitute a story, I know it gives over-proportionate coverage to certain teams and players, and I know they choose many of the female presenters for nothing more than their aesthetic quality (phwoarrr eh lads…sorry, got carried away then. Sincere apologies to my legions of female readers.) With this tendency to broadcast hours of absolutely nothing, no event in the sporting calendar is more suited to SSN than the transfer window but despite this description I and I’m sure many of you find it compelling viewing.

Programme

Mainstay presenters Jim White (the Scottish one who looks exactly how you’d expect a ‘Jim White’ to look…unless you were thinking of the snookerer Jimmy White, then in that case he doesn’t) and Simon Thomas (young, catalogue-boy, Jamie Redknapp type) welcomed us to this decisive hour of the January transfer window. The graphic that has appeared on this channel throughout the month of January popped us to tell us there was “0 Hours 59 Minutes and 42 Seconds” left of the transfer window now and Thomas confirmed “clubs up and down the land have less than one hour to get their business done.” Then we were transported to various reporters introducing themselves with a Eurovision-esque feel about it except they looked to be very cold outside training grounds of various Premiership clubs rather than sat above the beautifully lit up skylines of Helsinki, Brussels or Minsk.

White then enthusiastically took over and wanted to ‘get straight on with the transfer news and James Cooper outside Manchester City’s training ground.’ Cooper told of a ‘day of mixed fortunes’ as City were denied a work permit in very odd circumstances for fantastically named Kenyan McDonald Maninga but expected to complete the signing of run-of-the-mill named Middlesbrough winger Adam Johnson. Cooper then kept us ‘up to speed’ with any movement from the other North West clubs and I realised that each reporter across the country would do this as well as the one whose training ground they were outside.

White, equally as enthusiastically then introduced David Craig from Sunderland’s training ground. Craig told us that Sunderland had signed Alan Hutton on loan and let Nyron Nosworty go to Sheffield United, also on loan. I have to confess at this point I was already quite bored by SSN’s coverage of deadline day and not even the news that Newcastle had signed Coventry’s Leon Best for an undisclosed fee could re-ignite my interest. The hype and excitement was becoming too much and I just wanted ‘facts.’ What’s happened, what hasn’t happened (a very big chunk of deadline day ‘news’) and what is likely to happen. You know facts! Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of hype and you don’t need me to tell you Sky Sports’ brand of hype is the best in the business but I found the World Cup Finalesque build up to seeing a middle-aged man with a microphone stood in the cold outside a training ground a bit tiresome.

Much of the same was repeated for the remainder of Afternoon Report with different reporters looking largely bored outside different training grounds and not a great deal of breaking news to report. We got to see an interview with agent and ex City player Barry Silkman outside Upton Park. He tells us that while ‘today is very exciting for fans and press its very frustrating for players and agents who have to work within these deadlines.’ I was going to comment on the buckets of sympathy I hold for players, him and his colleagues suffering this plight of deadlines but instead decided that I should tell you I think Russell Brand would do a great impression of his high cockney tones if he hasn’t already given it a shot.

One of my favourite aspects of Sky Sports News is the 3 different sections of information on the screen that you can choose to pay attention to if the main news ‘story’ at that time isn’t capturing your imagination. I bring this up as around this time, the ticker (yellow bar, dead bottom of the screen) caught my attention with news that Hull’s Peter Halmosi had moved to Szombathelyi Haladas on loan until the end of the season. Now not much excites me more than a foreign football team whom I’ve never heard of before and after 1 extensive minute of googling I can confirm ‘Hali’ play in green and white in the Hungarian first division and last season was their best ever, finishing 3rd. I’m sure you’re as intrigued as I am as to whether this shrewd acquisition will be the final piece in the jigsaw to capture that first illusive Hungarian League Title.

Next we were told the English transfer window closes at 5:00 pm. We knew that, that was why I was watching with a view to blogging it. But..ahh, a graphic pops up that shows us the different times the transfer window closes in selected countries finishing with midnight in Scotland. ‘Its always good at midnight in Scotland’ White tells us’….its always good anytime’ he finishes. ‘Hahahaha’ adds Thomas. Adverts.

After the break we go to Pete Calley outside Birmingham’s training ground who gives us a round-up of in and out-going transfer news for the west midlands club that I cant be bothered repeating here. We go back to the studio and Taylor now tells us about some players ‘who definitely wont be coming to the premiership.’ Fortunately he stopped after Klaas Jan Huntellar and Mattieu Flamini as I expected this could’ve turned into quite a long feature.

Amazingly with such a host of nothing to report SSN diverted its attention away from deadline day action to give us some other sports stories from the day. Being news this caught my attention and I found out Peterborough had sacked their second manager in a few months and that Nigel Clough (allegedly) kicked Billy Davies in the ‘fracas that marred’ the end of the weekends East-Midlands derby.

The highlight of the remainder of the hour was Gary Cotterill’s bitchy ‘If Mido can show the kind of form and keep to the kind of waistline he was showing today’ while stood outside Upton Park and then we got to see Big Ben at 5:00 pm to signal the end of the transfer window. The introduction of the transfer windows and creation of SSN must’ve done wonders for Big Bens profile as they’ve allowed him to treble his live TV appearances each year. We were now past 5:00 pm and technically the blog should end here as this is firmly ‘Evening Report’ territory. However I think I should tell you much the same happened in this hour expect for the confirmation of Adam Johnson’s transfer to City and news broke of Robbie Keane’s impending loan move to ‘boyhood heroes’ Celtic, much to the bafflement of great mate and father Big Dave.

At 5:17 we had the breaking and non-transfer ‘news’ that England Manager Fabio Capello would take the decision over whether John Terry would remain as England Captain ‘in light of allegations regarding his private life.’ This obviously required a 5 minute interview with Sky’s chief football reporter Nick Collins who ‘wasn’t surprised’ as Capello is ‘his own man.’ I’ve got a few pages of notes to account for the next 45 minutes of Evening Report but I’d just be repeating the same anecdotes you’ve just read.

As I conclude this latest review I don’t like the picture I’ve painted of my relationship with Sky Sports News, we’re largely very happy together and I hope the feelings of love are mutual but as in all relations we have our ups and downs. This wasn’t our best day together but it is my duty to you to review TV Sports as I find them.

Happy Viewing fellow enthusiasts. Dave

Watch

Afternoon Report
Sky Sports News
Weekday Afternoons at 3pm.

1.FC Köln v Borrusia Dortmund

1.FC Köln v Borrusia Dortmund
Sunday 17th January
ESPN 16:30

Prologue

Why cant British press and media types get their collective head around foreign football teams calling themselves after the town or city they come from in their mother tongue? Really, ESPN advertised this game as ‘Cologne v Dortmund.’ Why? Were they afraid that viewing figures would be affected as British TV sports fans (which I presume you all are) wouldn’t tune in as they were confused as to which city ‘1.FC Köln’ represent? Why does it only affect certain teams as well? Later on that evening the same channel showed Napoli v Palermo. Surely if the insistence of using ‘Cologne’ were to set a precedent then our fellow euro-soccer enthusiasts would be treated to Naples v Palermo later that evening. Unfortunately it annoys me significantly enough to influence me to waste the 1st paragraph of my first posting. Just be grateful they weren’t showing Bayern Munich v Inter Milan loyal readers as this whole blogging nonsense could well have been over before it even started.

Programme

Commentator Steve Bower with whom I have a tenuous link (great mate Cheets worked with and speaks highly of the feller) welcomed us to this ‘battle of the west’ in ‘Germany’s fourth largest city’. It was the expected packed Bundesliga stadium with the usual smattering of away fans all around the ground bar Cologn..sorry Köln’s ‘end.’ I’m surprised how common this scenario is in Germany as I cant think of another country where there seems to be this complete non-requirement for mass segregation. Its not like they don’t have a hooligan problem, big supports or like a good drink beforehand but the average German seems more than content to sit next to a fellow sausage muncher wearing a different coloured scarf.

The home team started the better but didn’t really create any chances and were limited to a couple of long-range efforts. Dortmund’s keeper was the stand out player of the 1st 20 minutes, firstly in his attempt to appear on a future own goals and gaffs video by fumbling a weak shot and then by diving at the feet of Köln’s big centre forward in the way ‘goalkeepers don’t do anymore’ (© Old Bury fan at work). This act of old-skool bravery leading to him getting injured and being taken off. To be fair he clearly took a knock but you have to think Bert Trautmann would’ve continued.

It had been all Köln up to this point when out of nothing Dortmund get a corner and score with their first notable effort. The technical term is I believe ‘a clanger’ from the keeper who came for a cross and completely missed it leaving Dortmund’s centre half Mats Hummels to head into the unguarded onion bag. Almost immediately after Köln had a very good penalty shout (i.e. it should’ve been a penalty) turned down. ‘I’ve seen them given’ comments Bower which as a recent writer to WSC commented, is a ridiculous thing to say as we’ve all seen the most implausible decisions awarded. I have however seen them given.

Köln again are doing most of the attacking but the game calms down as we reach the 45 minute stage with the most noteworthy incident being Dortmund fans singing a song that sounded to my ears like a Deutsch equivalent of ‘my garden shed’ that Villa fans seem so keen on. Köln’s Lucas Podolski now seems to be in a right strop and gets booked for what would commentator worth his salt would call (I can’t remember if Bower said this or not…he probably did) a ‘cynical foul.’ The resulting free kick is lofted into the box where Hummels gets on the end to bag his 2nd after another week effort from the Köln ‘stopper.’

At this point I realise the major handicap this keeper is placing upon himself. He’s wearing trackie bottoms! When will our friends on the continent realise that wearing trackies automatically decreases your ability as a goalkeeper? There’s been overwhelming evidence over the years to highlight this yet many still ignore it and for this I’ve no sympathy for the hapless scally lookalike.

While on the subject of playing attire I should inform you that Dortmund are wearing the brightest possible yellow that does not cross the barrier into the category marked as luminous. Köln’s shirt is from the same Reebok template as Bolton’s but in red with red shorts and socks. I’m sure that back in the Toni Polster’s day Koln’s home shirt was white with red trim but Bower has already told us that they are ‘wearing the traditional all red colours’ so maybe I’m wrong, and more importantly maybe its not that crucial you know this.

As the game went on I got a bit more aggrieved by Bower’s commentary mainly due to him repeating the facts that Cologne is Germanys 4th largest city and that Kevin McKenna their large Canadian central defender had a spell at Hearts.

The game went into something of a lull after Dortmund had doubled their advantage with the only highlights being Podolski’s textbook petulant reaction to being subbed (chucks trackie top on floor, sulks off down tunnel) and the travelling Dortmund fans (actually Bower went on a few times about what a large fan base Dortmund have which didn’t need repeating and everyone knows that anyway) singing and bouncing away. Then with the visitors seemingly easing to a routine 3 points the team from the 4th largest German City got back in the game through a header form their tall Canadian former Hearts centre half, Kevin McKenna.

This re-ignited both the home team and crowd and the proverbial kitchen sink was now being launched at the Dortmund goal. Then with just 2 minutes left Köln’s Lebanese skipper Youssef Mohamad beat Dortmund’s keeper to a 50-50 and poked the ball into the net to send the locals into delirium. As it went in I was just scribbling ‘equaliser…brave’ down when Bower out-articulated me (and not many do that) with a passionate ‘what courage..what spirit!’ This caused another immense display of passion as Dortmund coach Juergen Flopp got in a right hissy-fit and was sent to the stand. He proceeded to climb into the stand and looked like he was offering all the home fans outside. Unfortunately no one took up the challenge as I would’ve loved to have seen someone stick one on him.

What drama for the 1st game of the 1st blog, bit of a local derby, dramatic comeback and child like petulance from players and management but it wasn’t over yet. Just into injury time after something of a scrappy build up, Dortmund’s Kevin Grosskeutz hit a speculative effort from outside the box that hit Kevin McKenna (he played for Hearts yer know) and left the newly nicknamed ‘Trackies’ stranded as it trickled into the net, sending what seemed like most of the ‘home’ stand behind into raptures. Dummy out of the pram specialist and Dortmund coach Juergen Klopp ran along the main stand in celebration in a manner that can only be described as ‘giving it large.’ How no one chinned him I’ll really never know.

The game finished shortly after and Köln will feel hard done by at the 3-2 scoreline and stay perilously just a point above the relegation zone. Dortmund are well in the hunt for a champions league spot after this result and have a huge game against fellow champs league pretenders Hamburg next Saturday in what looks like the most open of Europe’s major leagues. This a game you can watch on the same channel and I’d imagine Mr Bower will do another half-decent job of talking you through it although I’m sure he’ll repeatedly tell you what big clubs these two are and that Hamburg were of course managed by former Tottenham boss Martin Jol last season.

Watch

Next live Bundesliga coverage (both on ESPN):
Freiburg v Stuttgart
Friday 22nd January at 19:30

Borrusia Dortmund v Hamburg
Saturday 23rd January at 17:30

Intro

Hello and welcome to my blog that reviews sports programmes I have watched on the good old telebox recently. Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘why have you decided to do a blog reviewing sports programmes you’ve watched recently Dave?’ Well the answer is this, I felt if there’s one thing the world needs its another blog! This is of course a lie, there are gazillions of blogs on the old interweb the majority of which no bugger reads and the creator has long since given up on. The real reason is that I love TV sports. I do, really. I love live sports as well (probably more than TV sports in all fairness) but I only get to see them a few times a month whereas I get to watch sport on TV nearly every day…and that’s just awesome and therefore deserves a right good blogging!

Anyroad, from now on I aim to update this blog with at least one review a week. This will largely take the form of football matches and football related programmes. There are a few reasons for this that are as follows:

1) Football is my favourite sport.
2) There’s more football on tele than other sports.
3) I only have freeview and ESPN (and not the TV sports enthusiasts eutopia that is SKY)and the latter shows getting on for 10 games a week along with some wonderfully bizarre ‘magazine’ progs.

That’s not to say it will be exclusively football centred, I hope to include amongst others Rugby (both codes), Cricket (although this may be difficult as Sky have all the live stuff obv), Darts, Aussie rules (if ESPN show it again this season), NFL and pretty much anything else I happen to bump into on my televisual travels.

The form of the reviews will be this. I’ll tell you what I've watched (who’s playing who etc), when and what channel it was on, comment on the actual contest, the coverage of it and anything else I feel it vaguely relates to. I hope it will provide you with the odd giggle, titbits of information and despite being a passionate follower of various teams in different sports, sincerely hope that all sense of neutrality is avoided and my preferences and prejudices come across clearly.

Happy viewing fellow enthusiasts, Dave.